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I have been reading some peoples blogs lately and have been inspired to start my own.  I was talking to a friend at church today and realized that blogging is kind of a cool way to get to know people you can't always spend the time face to face hanging out with. My work schedule keeps me busy every night of the week and our church body seems to be expanding at such a rate that one can't possibly know everybody.

So...About me, I am turning 35 on Friday.  I have spent the past fifteen years pursuing a career in music.  I have spent most of my adult life living for the moment, not really ever thinking about the future, or living for anyone but me and whatever I felt like doing at the time.

When I turned 30, I started to take stock of my life. It became clear to me that whatever I accomplished would be ultimately futile, since I was only out to fulfill whatever my current desire happened to be, and that this would not benefit anyone but me.  I would simply be another self indulgent me monkey striving for personal gain while ignoring the bigger picture.

I have known God since I was little.  Let me rephrase that, I have known about God since I was little.  I was raised in a Christian home, taken to church, even had some really amazing Christian friends.  But I never really knew God.  I have always believed, just a gut instinct kind of feeling, but I was never willing to turn my life over to a God I didn't really know.

What I didn't realize was although I had dismissed God, He had not given up on me.  He had always placed people in my life to remind me that He would never give up on me.  Throughout the years He has been ever present and always welcomed me back when I needed Him.

Now, as I have come back once again, this time putting His word to the test and accepting His will for my life, I have begun to understand this creator who made me what I am.  I have seen His work in my life and in the lives of others.  Life never ceases to be a struggle for me and though I am closer to the Lord than I have ever been, I still feel abandoned, hopeless and frustration roars up so huge inside me I want to rage.

No matter what I've done, no matter where I am, I always feel like I am at the base of the mountain whose peak is far beyond my ability so see, or even know.  As I lift my foot from the ground and take the first step again in faith, I remember the words of King Solomon from Ecclesiastes 2;

 ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.