Ok. I have been praying for companionship for a while, you know, someone pretty who smells good, who likes me and wants to spend time with me. It can be pretty easy to get swept up in all the hooking up going on around here, too. God has pointed out to me, though, that I am not 25 years old anymore. He has also shown me that even though I may have a lot of experience dating and with relationships, being in a committed Christ centered relationship is something I have no experience with.
I am on average a decade older that most of the Epic set and I realize I’m prone to be a little more stuck in my ways. I am still learning to accept my new self and to forgive my own past without dwelling there on that person. I also know there is a certain amount of wisdom that can only come through living life. (Not that I am wise by any means) I am thankful for the youthful spirit of this body and how they have been a revitalizing influence on me. I just need to find that balance of who I am in Epic.
Thinking about girls and the possibility of settling down the other day suddenly filled me with crippling anxiety and fear. “What is going on?” I asked myself. Somehow the curtains were drawn open and I saw myself with a family and the reality of it scared the $#!* out of me. “Wow,” I thought. Then I recalled a conversation I’d had recently where I said “If I have a family at some point and I get all depressed reminiscing about the good old days of bachelor carefree living and how the stress of family life just seems too overwhelming, I hope the single me shows up and kicks me square in the junk.”
Being single sucks. God has a reason for everything, I get it. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Back to the topic. It is intimidating to say the least, to approach dating someone with the mentality of seeking a spouse. This is not how we are taught by the world to view dating. Instead we are just casually browsing the babe department and trying out different relationships until we find one that fits.
That’s not how it’s supposed to be! God has chosen our mates and we need to pay attention to life in order to see that.
Of course it’s intimidating when you see an attractive member of the opposite sex and you start to get excited, but then you get a flash of marriage and kids and the whole kit and caboodle. It is supposed to be that way. It’s intimidating because it is important. This is not something to be taken lightly or on a whim. You need to take the time to invest in the relationship before it is even a relationship. Do you really want to decide who to date (sorry, marry) because they have a cute tush and a nice smile? What about who they are truly? Do they need to work some internal crap out that might ultimately destroy your relationship? Are they right with God?
I have a little Peter Pan Syndrome. I don’t wanna grow up. The Lord is beside me with His hand gently on my back, urging me forward, and I am reluctantly inching along while looking back over my shoulder. I like being a kid. Being a kid is easy, but it doesn’t bring true happiness and it is self serving. I made a commitment to my Father and I am learning how to honor it through Him. Yeah, marriage is a little scary, but the flip side to that coin is that my Father who created me has also put on this earth my custom made companion. My soul mate with whom I get to share this life with. I can’t wait to meet her and I know all I can do is remain prayerfully vigilant, ask for the wisdom to follow the path He has set for me so that one day I might find her, and when I do that I would have the strength to be the Christ loving man of her dreams.
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