The Bounce

Every so often I find I need to kind of recalibrate, you know, do a factory reset on my brain.  Some things get out of whack and emotions come in and distort everything to the point where nothing makes any sense and it’s time for a head check.

Recently an old friend from out of town came to visit.  I love her like a sister and will always have a soft spot for her, but like all family is capable of, she can really get to me sometimes. 

Jill is an enabler and a fixer.  I like to vent my issues to just about everyone and make my conclusions up as I go.  What happens when we get together sometimes is she tries to come in like mama bird and tell me how to get better, and all I’m looking for is a friend to listen.

I admit I’ve been in a little funk lately, but I can say that my mood swings are getting a lot less frequent and less damaging to those around me.  As I grow up and into my walk with Christ I am able to see some of these things clearer and work on them. 

So last week I was feeling overwhelmed with life and my complete lack of finances, and when a couple other random things came at me I was already on the ropes.  I fell.  I got pissed off, then depressed, and somebody told me something that I already knew, was already feeling, but somehow just could not find the strength to do.  Read the Bible.

Seek God.  Why does it have to be hardest to seek Him when you need Him most?  That’s just the way it is, I suppose.  So here I am.  I have come full circle, feeling more confident than I have recently, though.  The downward spiral which used to consume my life for weeks at a time, now usually last a couple days.  It’s not me, it’s Him.

I used to wallow in my self destructive pity and rage, hating myself.  Imagine that if you can.  Truly hating your own body, your personality, who you are, your character.  It’s just like you’re giving God the finger.  So every now and then, I need to hit the reset button.  I need to remember that I am created by my Father who loves me and chose this life for me because He loves me.  The God of the Universe who created creation loves me, what else matters?